We just received a letter from Caleb's birth mom. It's a surprise to hear from her, because she rarely initiates contact with us. But when she does, I treasure it.
As I read her letter, my heart broke for her, once again. She wrote to let us know that her dad had passed away. She has always been so very close to her Dad. She was his girl, and he walked with her through the good times, and the hard times.
He was the one at the hospital with her when Caleb was born. He was the only other member of her family that I have met. I know that he cherished her, and felt a strong desire to protect her.
She wrote "At times, I think that he's with me, because I can almost smell him and feel his touch so tender on my head when I sleep."
She opened up to us in such an intimate way in her letter, and I love her for it. This woman has faced such loss in her life, and has experienced great heartache. It reminds me of the fact that this journey is laden with struggle, and loss, and deep pain.
I pray for you, My Dear, that you may know the peace of your heavenly Father, and that you may feel His tender touch upon your head, upon your soul, as He carries you through this difficult time.
If you think of her, please pray for her. She means so very much to our family.
I have withheld mentioning our birth mothers' names, for their privacy, but the Lord knows who they are, and I thank you for lifting them up to the Lord.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Surgery Updates:
Scroll down to:
Explaining the Unexplained
and
Saying Goodbye, Again
For information on my recent hysterectomy
In the hospital a nurse said...
"I can't believe you have twins, and have no stretch marks... You look incredible."
Ah ya.
The perks of adoption.
(I did, of course, tell her the truth. After she stewed for a few seconds.) ;o)
Ah ya.
The perks of adoption.
(I did, of course, tell her the truth. After she stewed for a few seconds.) ;o)
Explaining the Unexplained
All went well, as I said "Aloha" to my uterus on November 3rd. I was all prepped and ready to go in for surgery. The weekend before was filled with celebratory events, to commemorate the big event. Emily and I prepared a Thanksgiving Like feast for our families, my mom and her husband Ron. (My mom came out to help with the boys during and after surgery...) Emily and I also ran in a race around the bridges (just over 4.5 miles) on Saturday. And I made a delicious adult beverage, Carmel Apple Cocktails, to toast. ;o)
I was a little nervous as I went in very early Monday morning, but I am pleased to say that it all went fairly well. And when my doctor came in to brief me on how things went, it became even more clear, that this was a wise decision. Apparently, the endometriosis was much more severe than he, or any of my other doctors had thought. The scar tissue had ravaged my uterus, and one of my ovaries as well. He actually had to remove my right ovary, as it had a large tumor on it, and was not even functioning. He found a few small fibroids in my uterus as well.
When Matt and I went in for our initial fertility work-up, about 6 years ago, they performed an HSG test on me that didn't show any blockage. After they completed their tests, they diagnosed Matt and I with unexplained infertility. However, after surgery, my doctor said that the endometriosis was so severe, it would clearly be the cause of our infertility. Often, they offer a surgery to women to clear out scar tissue in an effort to create a better environment to sustain a pregnancy. My doctor said that my case was so severe, that that would not have even been an option for us. I am thankful that my right ovary is still healthy enough to remain in me to produce my own natural hormones. But I think if we had waited much longer to have the surgery, the chance of that ovary being effected by the endometriosis would have increased greatly.
I sit hear today with a heart full of thankfulness. I am overwhelmed at how the Lord has provided for us, and protected us. He knew, in His sovereignty, that we would never be able to carry a child. And He so clearly directed our hearts towards adoption. The Lord allowed us to see, early on, that His plan, though different from ours, was greater than we could ever imagine. He protected us from years of fruitless, difficult fertility treatments. He gifted us with miracle stories that show how He, and only He, can turn brokenness into something beautiful.
You see... it was God who gave us the desire to be parents. And it was He who, in His beautiful plan, brought children to us. Our story is more precious to me than anyone can imagine. Because it's ours.
I am also so thankful that we live in an age where doctors can help people like me free themselves from pain! OH MY! I can't tell you how thankful I am for this surgery. That it was an option for me. The second day when my doctor came in, it hit me. I nearly cried when I thanked him for helping me. Yes... it has been that bad. And I look forward to living a life free from the bondage of pain that I have struggled with for many years.
My recovery is going pretty well. I am taking it easy, and trying not to freak out about my break from things like lifting my boys, running, and doing laundry. Okay, that last one isn't hard for me to release for awhile. ;o) Thank you for your prayers. It has been a long journey, and I am thankful that I am through the rough part, and on my way to feeling a lot better.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Mama... Tell Me Again
Five years.
That is how old my sweet baby boy is now. Another beautiful September brought the joy of celebrating another year with our first gift, Caleb.
For those of you who know Caleb, you know his charm, his amazing intelligence, the way he can smile and melt your heart. Caleb has taught us so much over the past five years.
Here is some background on our growing boy...
It was early on that we noticed that Caleb struggled with some things. His speech was always a challenge for him. Along with his speech, his gross motor skills and some social abilities seem to lag behind those of his peers. After much medical testing, and months of therapies through the local 0-3 program, Caleb was diagnosed with Apraxia of Speech, and was found to have an atypical chromosomal combination in chromosome number 5. Apparently, a 'G' became an 'A', and an 'A' became a 'G'. It is all part of the way that God made Caleb, and we marvel almost daily at the things he can do at a higher level. And we are always working on ways to encourage growth in the areas that are struggles for him. Caleb has been a constant source of wonderment for us, and for the professionals that have worked with him. A respected child specialist told me that she didn't think Caleb would ever be able to communicate clearly or accurately enough to carry on a reasonable conversation with anyone. Ever. At age 5, he has certainly disproved that! His verbal capabilities are increasing all the time! His memory is one that leaves us in awe, as he often remembers things from when he was very small, and puts associations to experiences he had as a baby. Amazing! And though we struggle with various things, we realize that parenting children, whether they have special needs or not, is not a sprint... It's a marathon.
But because of the struggle Caleb has had with his speech, I still sit in amazement as he climbs in my arms, and begins telling me the things he is thinking of. He was over three years old before he could say "Mama" clearly, and it is partly because of those obstacles that my heart leaps with joy when he verbally connects in such meaningful ways. As Caleb's birthday approached, he has had an increasing interest in hearing about the day he was born. We talk about it often, but it is only recently that he has expressed an interest in it, too. It's pretty basic now, but I love how he crawls up into my lap, and just like the beloved children's book, asks me to tell him again about the day he was born. We talk a lot about his birth mom, and how I think he has her eyes... "Because when you grow inside someones tummy, you sometimes come out having things that look a lot alike!"
And we talk about how much Daddy and I prayed for him, before we even knew who he was, or where he was. And about how his birth mom was praying too... for just the right family for the special baby growing inside of her.
He loves to hear about how I was there to hold to him...
"Mama held cute and beautiful Baby Caleb!"
Yes, my sweet boy. I held you first. Oh, the gift that was to me.
I tell you often, Caleb, that you are so special to me, because it was you who God chose to make me a mother. Saying that I am thankful for that, does not even begin to express my heart.
And so it begins. Telling my son his beautiful story. Again and again...
Saying Goodbye... Again...
Is it like the appendix? Really?
Well, I guess for most women, they would not compare their uterus to their appendix. But for me, it seems, in a weird sort of way... similar.
The date is set. On November 3rd, I will be having a hysterectomy. It seems strange, really. As I prepare for the surgery, I try to think of all the things that one should think through before going through something that declares such finality.
As I have struggled with various medical issues, this is the end that we figured would inevitably come. Interestingly, the medical issues that I have, have not been the reason for our infertility. The diagnosis of unexplained infertility remains. And as things have progressively gotten worse, Matt and I have talked through, over and over, what the best decision would be. And now we stand at the end of this road, in all actuality, very prepared for the surgery. To be honest, really looking forward to the relief it will bring.
But here is the weird thing... I have said good-bye once. Okay, maybe several times in different ways. But I've said good-bye to the idea of growing a child inside of my own body. It's even something that Matt and I have very consciously decided not to pursue. IVF would be our only real option for trying to conceive, and for us, we have never had the desire to put our resources: emotional, financial, etc. into that. There are many couples who feel led to go that path, and I support them completely. But for us, it was never our desire. Our hearts have always been led towards adoption.
And because of that, I have three beautiful, amazing sons. Children I would not have if I had not journeyed through infertility.
Children that I could not imagine not having.
There is not a thing that I would change about the path we have been blessed to walk.
And yet here I am, on the verge of a surgery that will forever remove the possibility of carrying a child. And I find myself re-processing it.
Again.
Because here is the thing: Even though we have dealt with infertility, because of the nature of our diagnosis, the possibility of conceiving has always been...well... a possibility. And even though we feel our family is complete (for now) ;o), I still am left to ponder the idea that I will never carry a baby. And it's a desire that I don't even have. How weird is that?
Even though we love building our family through adoption, and even if I didn't have the surgery, we would choose to adopt if we wanted another child, and even though I don't even have a desire to become pregnant...I still have this strange need to process through it.
I am needing to remind myself that carrying a child, or having a uterus, does not define me as a women. As a mother.
And here I am. Saying good-bye, again. And really feeling pretty okay with it all. ;o)
Well, I guess for most women, they would not compare their uterus to their appendix. But for me, it seems, in a weird sort of way... similar.
The date is set. On November 3rd, I will be having a hysterectomy. It seems strange, really. As I prepare for the surgery, I try to think of all the things that one should think through before going through something that declares such finality.
As I have struggled with various medical issues, this is the end that we figured would inevitably come. Interestingly, the medical issues that I have, have not been the reason for our infertility. The diagnosis of unexplained infertility remains. And as things have progressively gotten worse, Matt and I have talked through, over and over, what the best decision would be. And now we stand at the end of this road, in all actuality, very prepared for the surgery. To be honest, really looking forward to the relief it will bring.
But here is the weird thing... I have said good-bye once. Okay, maybe several times in different ways. But I've said good-bye to the idea of growing a child inside of my own body. It's even something that Matt and I have very consciously decided not to pursue. IVF would be our only real option for trying to conceive, and for us, we have never had the desire to put our resources: emotional, financial, etc. into that. There are many couples who feel led to go that path, and I support them completely. But for us, it was never our desire. Our hearts have always been led towards adoption.
And because of that, I have three beautiful, amazing sons. Children I would not have if I had not journeyed through infertility.
Children that I could not imagine not having.
There is not a thing that I would change about the path we have been blessed to walk.
And yet here I am, on the verge of a surgery that will forever remove the possibility of carrying a child. And I find myself re-processing it.
Again.
Because here is the thing: Even though we have dealt with infertility, because of the nature of our diagnosis, the possibility of conceiving has always been...well... a possibility. And even though we feel our family is complete (for now) ;o), I still am left to ponder the idea that I will never carry a baby. And it's a desire that I don't even have. How weird is that?
Even though we love building our family through adoption, and even if I didn't have the surgery, we would choose to adopt if we wanted another child, and even though I don't even have a desire to become pregnant...I still have this strange need to process through it.
I am needing to remind myself that carrying a child, or having a uterus, does not define me as a women. As a mother.
And here I am. Saying good-bye, again. And really feeling pretty okay with it all. ;o)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Give up the Term: Give up for Adoption
I know. We are all inundated with the idea of being politically correct! We'd rather stick our finger down the proverbial throat then be told one more time that it's not 'politically correct'. As my disclaimer... I share your disdain for always feeling like I need to watch what I say. That is, until it comes to my boys. See, something happens when your a mom. Something akin to animal instinct, that tells all that is within us to protect our cubs. You can find amazing stories of mothers across all times, and all demographics, that have beaten all odds when it comes to the protection of their children. Yes, there are even stories of women, like myself, who by nature are fed up with 'political correctness', who actually embrace the idea.
If it's protecting to her baby.
So, here's the deal, and I say this with as much love as I can muster: Telling my child that they were "given up" for adoption tells them:
* You were given up on
* You weren't worth keeping
* You were too hard, therefore needing to be given up
You get where I am going with this??? It's not about giving up on. The idea of 'giving up' reflects so poorly on birth mothers. Women with whom I highly respect, and by all means, are not giver-uppers.
So, if you are new to the adoption realm, know someone who has adopted, has been adopted, or are considering adoption please remember: Women do not give their babies up, women who choose adoption are making an adoption plan. These women are being pro-active in making a decision that will forever alter their lives, and the lives of their children. Their selfless plan says:
* YOU are not a mistake
* YOU have a place where you belong, and I know just where that is
* YOU are worth all there is to make a plan for
* YOU are a gift worthy of purpose and of planning for
Thank you, Birth Mothers everywhere, who have made the selfless choice to make a pro-active adoption plan for your children. Without your selfless love, forethought, and planning, I would not be a mother.
If it's protecting to her baby.
So, here's the deal, and I say this with as much love as I can muster: Telling my child that they were "given up" for adoption tells them:
* You were given up on
* You weren't worth keeping
* You were too hard, therefore needing to be given up
You get where I am going with this??? It's not about giving up on. The idea of 'giving up' reflects so poorly on birth mothers. Women with whom I highly respect, and by all means, are not giver-uppers.
So, if you are new to the adoption realm, know someone who has adopted, has been adopted, or are considering adoption please remember: Women do not give their babies up, women who choose adoption are making an adoption plan. These women are being pro-active in making a decision that will forever alter their lives, and the lives of their children. Their selfless plan says:
* YOU are not a mistake
* YOU have a place where you belong, and I know just where that is
* YOU are worth all there is to make a plan for
* YOU are a gift worthy of purpose and of planning for
Thank you, Birth Mothers everywhere, who have made the selfless choice to make a pro-active adoption plan for your children. Without your selfless love, forethought, and planning, I would not be a mother.
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Best One
This has been one of my favorite articles. It was originally in print for the Washington Post. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. It is so dear to me because Matt and I can recall saying nearly exactly the same thing about our sweet boys.
________________________________________________
The Baby Game
How do you know when you've bonded? Ker-Pow!
By Jeanne Marie LaskasSunday, November 20, 2005; Page W31
"Let's not stack all the gifts in one place," I'm saying to my daughters. "I don't want it to look like we went overboard." I don't think we went overboard. Stuffed toy rooster, farm quilt, farm-themed bowl and plate and cup and spoon, plus baby riding outfit featuring actual jodhpurs and vest decorated with little embroidered horse. It's a theme. It's a farm theme, because we live on a farm, and Robin and David and baby Amelia are coming to visit, and maybe we can dress the baby in the riding outfit and hold her next to our pony for a picture.
This is so exciting. My girls are drawing pictures, already envisioning Amelia as a very stubby creature with vast cheeks and curly locks. "Welcome to America!" Anna writes on one picture. And on another, "We all came from China!" She's taping the pictures to the front door. "Am I going overboard?" she asks. I tell her, no, of course not. When it comes to welcoming a new baby, you can't go overboard. And when it comes to welcoming a baby from China, well, look out. It's my thing. It's the best thing I ever did with my life, and I did it twice, so I can easily get caught up in sharing the love. Ker-pow! Woe is the person who even hints at a desire to adopt a baby from China. Ker-pow! I'll hit her with my love story, insist it will be the best thing she ever does with her life, and soon enough I'm passing along phone numbers of adoption agencies, and, yes, I happen to have an extra immigration form if you'd like to get started right here, right now, today. Robin and David never needed my convincing, but they were kind enough to let me participate with celebrations of each paperwork milestone, and soon enough their dossier was complete, shipped off to China, and they hunkered down for the nine-month wait for the referral of the baby who would be assigned to them.
"I just don't know how I'll make it through this wait," Robin said to me on the phone one day. She asked if she and David, who live in New York City, could come visit us for a weekend, and maybe they could ask us some questions.
That was a year ago. Robin had a notebook full of questions. Most centered on the one so many prospective adoptive parents face: bonding. How could they make certain it would happen? I remembered this one so well. Somehow, you get all twisted up in the thought that just because the kid didn't grow inside of you, you're not going to be able to connect as a parent should to a child. Or, the baby won't with you. So how do you facilitate bonding? Robin had been reading a lot, and she had cooked up a number of plans. She was going to forbid anyone but herself and David to hold the baby until she knew the bonding process was complete.
"How will you know it's complete?" I asked.
"Well, I have no idea," she said. "How do you know?"
I told her that with Anna, I felt connected the moment I touched her, and with Sasha the process may have been a milli-second shorter, or longer, I couldn't remember exactly. "It was all more or less instantaneous," I said. "It's your baby. You're the mom. You bond." I told her not to worry about it, knowing that nothing I could say would quell her private fears.
Then my husband, Alex, piped in with the embarrassing story of what he blurted out on the bus one day in China shortly after we got Anna. We were with eight other couples, all of whom had likewise just received their babies. "So," Alex yelled. "Does everyone think they got the best one?" It was so crass and so true, and we all fell into uncomfortable laughter. There we were, adoring our babies -- even feeling a bit sorry for others in that they were not blessed with the privilege of parenting this princess, this empress, this most amazing creature to ever grace the planet -- and there, as it turned out, everyone else was likewise entranced with their own little burp machine. "You'll see," Alex said to Robin and David. "You'll see."
So here we are, one year after Robin and David's first visit, and now, finally, they are pulling up our driveway with baby Amelia. "They're here!" I shout to Alex. I tell the girls to please scatter the presents a bit more so it doesn't look like we've gone overboard. I'm so excited I might explode. I hope it's all happened for them the way it happened for us, so instantly, so profoundly, so mysteriously: a family.
They're walking up the path. Robin is carrying Amelia. I'm on the porch going up and down on my tiptoes. Amelia has apple cheeks and a crazy ponytail on top of her head. Robin is jiggling her, and David is juggling bottle, formula, bib. Robin sees my eyes welling up, or maybe I see hers. We are about to lose it, and I am wishing someone would make a joke. I open my arms for a hug, and Robin loses it first. "The best one," she says. "Oh my God, we got the best one."
________________________________________________
The Baby Game
How do you know when you've bonded? Ker-Pow!
By Jeanne Marie LaskasSunday, November 20, 2005; Page W31
"Let's not stack all the gifts in one place," I'm saying to my daughters. "I don't want it to look like we went overboard." I don't think we went overboard. Stuffed toy rooster, farm quilt, farm-themed bowl and plate and cup and spoon, plus baby riding outfit featuring actual jodhpurs and vest decorated with little embroidered horse. It's a theme. It's a farm theme, because we live on a farm, and Robin and David and baby Amelia are coming to visit, and maybe we can dress the baby in the riding outfit and hold her next to our pony for a picture.
This is so exciting. My girls are drawing pictures, already envisioning Amelia as a very stubby creature with vast cheeks and curly locks. "Welcome to America!" Anna writes on one picture. And on another, "We all came from China!" She's taping the pictures to the front door. "Am I going overboard?" she asks. I tell her, no, of course not. When it comes to welcoming a new baby, you can't go overboard. And when it comes to welcoming a baby from China, well, look out. It's my thing. It's the best thing I ever did with my life, and I did it twice, so I can easily get caught up in sharing the love. Ker-pow! Woe is the person who even hints at a desire to adopt a baby from China. Ker-pow! I'll hit her with my love story, insist it will be the best thing she ever does with her life, and soon enough I'm passing along phone numbers of adoption agencies, and, yes, I happen to have an extra immigration form if you'd like to get started right here, right now, today. Robin and David never needed my convincing, but they were kind enough to let me participate with celebrations of each paperwork milestone, and soon enough their dossier was complete, shipped off to China, and they hunkered down for the nine-month wait for the referral of the baby who would be assigned to them.
"I just don't know how I'll make it through this wait," Robin said to me on the phone one day. She asked if she and David, who live in New York City, could come visit us for a weekend, and maybe they could ask us some questions.
That was a year ago. Robin had a notebook full of questions. Most centered on the one so many prospective adoptive parents face: bonding. How could they make certain it would happen? I remembered this one so well. Somehow, you get all twisted up in the thought that just because the kid didn't grow inside of you, you're not going to be able to connect as a parent should to a child. Or, the baby won't with you. So how do you facilitate bonding? Robin had been reading a lot, and she had cooked up a number of plans. She was going to forbid anyone but herself and David to hold the baby until she knew the bonding process was complete.
"How will you know it's complete?" I asked.
"Well, I have no idea," she said. "How do you know?"
I told her that with Anna, I felt connected the moment I touched her, and with Sasha the process may have been a milli-second shorter, or longer, I couldn't remember exactly. "It was all more or less instantaneous," I said. "It's your baby. You're the mom. You bond." I told her not to worry about it, knowing that nothing I could say would quell her private fears.
Then my husband, Alex, piped in with the embarrassing story of what he blurted out on the bus one day in China shortly after we got Anna. We were with eight other couples, all of whom had likewise just received their babies. "So," Alex yelled. "Does everyone think they got the best one?" It was so crass and so true, and we all fell into uncomfortable laughter. There we were, adoring our babies -- even feeling a bit sorry for others in that they were not blessed with the privilege of parenting this princess, this empress, this most amazing creature to ever grace the planet -- and there, as it turned out, everyone else was likewise entranced with their own little burp machine. "You'll see," Alex said to Robin and David. "You'll see."
So here we are, one year after Robin and David's first visit, and now, finally, they are pulling up our driveway with baby Amelia. "They're here!" I shout to Alex. I tell the girls to please scatter the presents a bit more so it doesn't look like we've gone overboard. I'm so excited I might explode. I hope it's all happened for them the way it happened for us, so instantly, so profoundly, so mysteriously: a family.
They're walking up the path. Robin is carrying Amelia. I'm on the porch going up and down on my tiptoes. Amelia has apple cheeks and a crazy ponytail on top of her head. Robin is jiggling her, and David is juggling bottle, formula, bib. Robin sees my eyes welling up, or maybe I see hers. We are about to lose it, and I am wishing someone would make a joke. I open my arms for a hug, and Robin loses it first. "The best one," she says. "Oh my God, we got the best one."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Can't you have any children of your own?
Wow. I love this one. As if it is because you have given a social worker the privilege of knowing every. detail. of. your. life., suddenly gives total strangers that same privilege. Now, as the tactful parent I am, *wink* I usually give a totally political correct response, in an effort to educate those unfamiliar with the bonds of adoption by saying something like
"Actually, they are our own. Whether children join our family by birth or adoption, the good Lord makes them our own."
But I must admit, that I have been tempted to respond with equally inappropriate personal questions to them:
WARNING: The following comments are made by an only-sometimes-sane Irish mother of three boys, ages 4 and under. I cannot be held responsible for any offense that may be taken.
1) So, do you currently have hemorrhoids?
2) Have you done your kegel's today?
3) I was just wondering if those were really yours?
4) How have your ovaries been operating lately?
5) Do you ever have that "not so fresh feeling?"
So, how about you? What inappropriate questions would like to ask? ;o)
"Actually, they are our own. Whether children join our family by birth or adoption, the good Lord makes them our own."
But I must admit, that I have been tempted to respond with equally inappropriate personal questions to them:
WARNING: The following comments are made by an only-sometimes-sane Irish mother of three boys, ages 4 and under. I cannot be held responsible for any offense that may be taken.
1) So, do you currently have hemorrhoids?
2) Have you done your kegel's today?
3) I was just wondering if those were really yours?
4) How have your ovaries been operating lately?
5) Do you ever have that "not so fresh feeling?"
So, how about you? What inappropriate questions would like to ask? ;o)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
~Qualifiers~
So, as you read the post below regarding Open Adoption, I know that I need to put in a few qualifiers! So, here you go:
~ Regarding International vs. Domestic Adoption: It's really this simple... There are children all over the world who are in need of a home. Children who don't ask for specific presents for birthdays and holidays... children whose only dream is to be in a home, their home, with someone to call Mommy. Their Mommy. Someone to call their Daddy. And these children exist...Everywhere.
We actually had several reasons for our initial lean towards international adoption, and honestly, we may pursue that somewhere down the line. Ya... way, way down the line. (As our twins have just turned 2 ;o) But the Lord had other plans for building our family at that time. The key is to follow where you are being led, and trust that when making a decision as to 'where' to adopt from... There is no wrong answer! Because, once again... There are children everywhere who need families. And families everywhere who need these children.
~ Regarding adoptions that are 'closed': You know, there are so many families that have adopted children who never know what their birth families look like, including many international adoptions where "openness" isn't even an option. I really believe the main idea is to create an atmosphere of openness within your family. A place where adoption is talked about, in a way that says it's not only 'okay' to talk about it, but in a way that expresses adoption as the gift it is. As the beautiful, natural way to build a family that it is. It is imperative that we create an atmosphere where our children feel safe to express what may be on their hearts. I say "may" because, there are many children who consider adoption issues, well, non-issues. Not every child will have the desire to connect with their birth families. Not every child will look in the mirror and wonder whose nose they have. But there are many who will. And if you don't know, how beautiful is it to be close enough to our children to say things like "I wonder if your birth mom likes peanut butter on her pancakes, too?" How amazing is it to be confident enough in our role, as their mothers, to embrace every part of who our children are. Even if we don't know... Take the time to wonder with them.
If you haven't yet, check out my recommended books link to the left at 'Good Reads'... Eldridge's book 'Twenty Things..." was so enlightening for me... If you have any questions, comments, or need clarification on anything, feel free to comment... ;o)
~ Regarding International vs. Domestic Adoption: It's really this simple... There are children all over the world who are in need of a home. Children who don't ask for specific presents for birthdays and holidays... children whose only dream is to be in a home, their home, with someone to call Mommy. Their Mommy. Someone to call their Daddy. And these children exist...Everywhere.
We actually had several reasons for our initial lean towards international adoption, and honestly, we may pursue that somewhere down the line. Ya... way, way down the line. (As our twins have just turned 2 ;o) But the Lord had other plans for building our family at that time. The key is to follow where you are being led, and trust that when making a decision as to 'where' to adopt from... There is no wrong answer! Because, once again... There are children everywhere who need families. And families everywhere who need these children.
~ Regarding adoptions that are 'closed': You know, there are so many families that have adopted children who never know what their birth families look like, including many international adoptions where "openness" isn't even an option. I really believe the main idea is to create an atmosphere of openness within your family. A place where adoption is talked about, in a way that says it's not only 'okay' to talk about it, but in a way that expresses adoption as the gift it is. As the beautiful, natural way to build a family that it is. It is imperative that we create an atmosphere where our children feel safe to express what may be on their hearts. I say "may" because, there are many children who consider adoption issues, well, non-issues. Not every child will have the desire to connect with their birth families. Not every child will look in the mirror and wonder whose nose they have. But there are many who will. And if you don't know, how beautiful is it to be close enough to our children to say things like "I wonder if your birth mom likes peanut butter on her pancakes, too?" How amazing is it to be confident enough in our role, as their mothers, to embrace every part of who our children are. Even if we don't know... Take the time to wonder with them.
If you haven't yet, check out my recommended books link to the left at 'Good Reads'... Eldridge's book 'Twenty Things..." was so enlightening for me... If you have any questions, comments, or need clarification on anything, feel free to comment... ;o)
Open Adoption Has...
Given me the opportunity to see things in my children that they have been blessed with through the wonder of genetics! Because we have open adoption's, we know Caleb's beautiful birth mom, and Jonah and Noah's entire birth family. In truth, I feel like we too, have been adopted into their birth families. I love knowing that Noah looks so much like his sister. And Jonah looks so much like their brother, even though as twins, Jonah and Noah don't look very much alike! ;o) I love seeing that Caleb's eyes have the same shape as his birth mom's. And even though I will forever profess that it is love that ties a family together, there is a mystical tie to those with whom we are genetically connected. Open adoption has made it easy for us to connect to those who have written on the slate of our boy's before they were in our arms, and I am ever so thankful to have a bond with those who are such a vital part of who my children are.
Has it always been this way????
No! I must be honest, and share that prior to Caleb's birth, I was completely ignorant about "open adoption". Actually, we had planned on adopting internationally, not necessarily because we felt the Lord leading us there, but primarily because it seemed safer. We could fly to another part of the world, gather our baby in our arms, and fly back home. Far away from anyone who may want to take him away from us. Who may want to take him back. Even when Caleb was born, and we were given the gift of being a part of his journey into the world... I was terrified. Would she change her mind? Would she sign the papers? Or would my dream of motherhood be taken away, once again. The way infertility had thus far robbed me of my greatest desire. At that point, it was all about... Me. Wow... I had so much to learn. (I know, I still do...) It wasn't until I surrendered my desire to the Lord, and took the focus off myself, that I began to feel the joy and freedom in embracing those who were giving me my life's greatest gifts! This was a long process for me, and honestly, I did not 'feel' the joy of openness for awhile. But the more I began to realize that parenting is *GASP* not about me, the easier it was to stand in the corner of the children that I had been blessed with, and build relationships with those who are so much a part of who they are.
Has it always been this way????
No! I must be honest, and share that prior to Caleb's birth, I was completely ignorant about "open adoption". Actually, we had planned on adopting internationally, not necessarily because we felt the Lord leading us there, but primarily because it seemed safer. We could fly to another part of the world, gather our baby in our arms, and fly back home. Far away from anyone who may want to take him away from us. Who may want to take him back. Even when Caleb was born, and we were given the gift of being a part of his journey into the world... I was terrified. Would she change her mind? Would she sign the papers? Or would my dream of motherhood be taken away, once again. The way infertility had thus far robbed me of my greatest desire. At that point, it was all about... Me. Wow... I had so much to learn. (I know, I still do...) It wasn't until I surrendered my desire to the Lord, and took the focus off myself, that I began to feel the joy and freedom in embracing those who were giving me my life's greatest gifts! This was a long process for me, and honestly, I did not 'feel' the joy of openness for awhile. But the more I began to realize that parenting is *GASP* not about me, the easier it was to stand in the corner of the children that I had been blessed with, and build relationships with those who are so much a part of who they are.
Book Recommendations, Anyone?
I am on the lookout for more books to add to my recommended list... So, if you have some books about adoption that you could recommend, click below and leave a comment! I'll make sure to read it and possibly add it to my recommended list!
And They Came Two By Two ~ The Arrival of Noah and Jonah
As it was told to friends and family that amazing month of June, 2006:
Our family has been blessed, twice again, by adoption. The Lord has continued to pour His grace on us and has answered our prayers. Andrea, our sons' Birth Mom is doing beautifully, and is a forever member of our family. She is recovering very well from the c-section. We have ALL had a joyous time bonding, and celebrating the birth of these precious boys. The twins' birth family will be gifting them their Hawaiian names. Once they have announced those, we will make sure to let you know! Babies were born at 34.5 weeks, and are VERY HEALTHY! And BEAUTIFUL! The babies are still in the hospital and are in their little incubators. They are here simply to help regulate their body temperatures as they gain a little more weight. Jonah is also on an IV, as he was not eating quite as much as Noah. They are expected to be able to come home within a week!
To give you just a glimpse of what has happened, and what our experience has been like, I'll share a bit of the story... Monday, the 5th, Matt and I packed Caleb into the van to do some last minute shopping for the babies. As we were driving into town, I received a call from Andrea. I knew she had a doctors appointment that morning, and was eager to hear how things went. She called to tell me that during her appointment, the doctor could feel one of the babies feet! So, she called to say that they were going to bring her to O'ahu from Moloka'i via air ambulance. We quickly turned the car around to take Caleb to "Papa" Dave's, then we headed back over the hill to meet Andrea at the hospital. Once she came, a nurse examined her and ran into the hall saying "I feel a foot!" Jonah had turned, but Noah was still head up, (therefore he happened to be the one trying to escape early...) They decided immediately to perform a c-section. Andrea signed me in as her support person, which meant that I could be with her as they performed the surgery. They dressed me up in a fabulous blue ensemble... Trust me, it's gonna catch on, and called me into the O.R. after they prepped her. Within minutes, I was watching, and crying, as Noah and Jonah were brought into the world. The doctors let me trim the cord's from both the boy's. Matt got to do that last time with Caleb. It was truly amazing! They then wheeled them out to Daddy, who was the official Camera Guy. It took us 2 1/2 years to go from one child to two... but only two minutes to go from two to three!
Well, I am totally exhausted, and not exactly sure if much of the above makes sense. Matt's Mom, Vonnie, will be flying in this Tuesday to stay for a whole month to help with the babies!! I am thrilled beyond all imagination to be able to have her here. Pray for her, as this will be no paradise vacation while she's here!!! Forget the beautiful beaches, Mom, it's diapers and bottles instead!!! Then the end of July, my Mom will be here for a week to enjoy all three of her handsome Grandsons!
I look forward to hearing from all of you! If I take awhile to reply, don't take it personally! ;o) We love you all and are so thankful for your prayers, and your love as we share our journey with you.
Aloha,
Matt, Christine, Caleb, Noah and Jonah
Our family has been blessed, twice again, by adoption. The Lord has continued to pour His grace on us and has answered our prayers. Andrea, our sons' Birth Mom is doing beautifully, and is a forever member of our family. She is recovering very well from the c-section. We have ALL had a joyous time bonding, and celebrating the birth of these precious boys. The twins' birth family will be gifting them their Hawaiian names. Once they have announced those, we will make sure to let you know! Babies were born at 34.5 weeks, and are VERY HEALTHY! And BEAUTIFUL! The babies are still in the hospital and are in their little incubators. They are here simply to help regulate their body temperatures as they gain a little more weight. Jonah is also on an IV, as he was not eating quite as much as Noah. They are expected to be able to come home within a week!
To give you just a glimpse of what has happened, and what our experience has been like, I'll share a bit of the story... Monday, the 5th, Matt and I packed Caleb into the van to do some last minute shopping for the babies. As we were driving into town, I received a call from Andrea. I knew she had a doctors appointment that morning, and was eager to hear how things went. She called to tell me that during her appointment, the doctor could feel one of the babies feet! So, she called to say that they were going to bring her to O'ahu from Moloka'i via air ambulance. We quickly turned the car around to take Caleb to "Papa" Dave's, then we headed back over the hill to meet Andrea at the hospital. Once she came, a nurse examined her and ran into the hall saying "I feel a foot!" Jonah had turned, but Noah was still head up, (therefore he happened to be the one trying to escape early...) They decided immediately to perform a c-section. Andrea signed me in as her support person, which meant that I could be with her as they performed the surgery. They dressed me up in a fabulous blue ensemble... Trust me, it's gonna catch on, and called me into the O.R. after they prepped her. Within minutes, I was watching, and crying, as Noah and Jonah were brought into the world. The doctors let me trim the cord's from both the boy's. Matt got to do that last time with Caleb. It was truly amazing! They then wheeled them out to Daddy, who was the official Camera Guy. It took us 2 1/2 years to go from one child to two... but only two minutes to go from two to three!
Well, I am totally exhausted, and not exactly sure if much of the above makes sense. Matt's Mom, Vonnie, will be flying in this Tuesday to stay for a whole month to help with the babies!! I am thrilled beyond all imagination to be able to have her here. Pray for her, as this will be no paradise vacation while she's here!!! Forget the beautiful beaches, Mom, it's diapers and bottles instead!!! Then the end of July, my Mom will be here for a week to enjoy all three of her handsome Grandsons!
I look forward to hearing from all of you! If I take awhile to reply, don't take it personally! ;o) We love you all and are so thankful for your prayers, and your love as we share our journey with you.
Aloha,
Matt, Christine, Caleb, Noah and Jonah
Caleb's Adoption Story
This is as it was told to friends and family that beautiful month of September in 2003:
Matt and I have experienced God at work in a very real, personal and incredible way. Many of you have known that Matt and I have been praying for a child for some time now. We have been diagnosed with "unexplained infertility". A few months ago, our doctor approached us with the possibility of pursuing fertility treatments. As Matt and I prayed about this, we realized that we really did not feel compelled to head down that road at this time. We had always discussed adoption, and knew from the beginning of our marriage that it was something that we wanted to do. We had imagined ourselves having a few biological children, and then possibly adopting one or two children. Since adoption was always something we had wanted to do, it seemed very natural to pursue that. Our search led us to pursue international adoption. We began the process about a month and a half ago. The paperwork process is so intense!!! But it was also an neat experience to share together. With an international adoption, the process was expected to take about a year. We were planning on adoption a baby from Haiti. The baby would have been between 6 months to 1 year old. As part of any adoption process, domestic, or international, we had to complete a homestudy through a local INS approved agency. We hired Hawaii International Child (HIC) to complete our homestudy. We were about 2 weeks away from being "paperwork ready" when we received a call from our Social worker at HIC. The call came "out of the blue" on Tuesday September 16th. Our social worker explained that she knew that we were pursuing an international adoption, but wanted to know if we were at all "flexible" with those plans. I asked what she meant. She informed me that she had just been contacted by a local girl here on the Island who was pregnant, due to give birth that Friday, and wanted to make an adoption plan for her baby. She needed to choose a family for the baby, and the social worker wanted to know if we would want them to show her our profile. The social worker really down played the chances of anything actually happening with this, since the birth mom would have a selection of families to choose from, and also because the birth mom is half Hawaiian. It is commonly known in the Islands, that local girls rarely end up making adoption plans because families rarely allow for it. Often, family members will show up at the hospital, and tell the birth mom not to do, and offer their help to raise the child. Our social worker really wanted to prepare us for the very real possibility that nothing would come of this. I of course told her that I needed to discuss it with Matt. I will admit that I did not want to pursue this. I feared the seemingly inevitable disappointment that would come from it. When I called Matt, he said "Christine, this is what we have been praying for", but he wanted to discuss it with his parents before saying anything for sure. He called home and received great words of wisdom, some of which came from Mom when she said "Matt, how will you know if this is God's plan if you just immediately close the door. Let Him make the decision." Matt called me back, and said "Ya, let's do it." We had to provide more pictures of ourselves and a short biography. The birth mom would be making her decision the next day, and the social worker was going to call me either way. We slept very little that night. I was sure that she was not going to choose us, Matt was sure she would. The next day, Wednesday September 17th, the social worker called us and said "I want you to know that she made her decision very quickly." In a disappointed tone I said. "Oh, she did..." the social worker further explained "She looked at your picture and said, 'Oh, their cute.'" I still needed clarification.... "Does that mean she picked us??" "Once she read your profile, she was sure that you were the right family for the baby." I stood up at work and proclaimed "I gotta go... I think I'm gonna be a mom this weekend!" We knew that the birth mom was due that Friday, but we thought for sure that she may go even a week or so past. The next day, Thursday morning, we had an appointment with the social worker to sign some papers. About five minutes into it, the social worker got called out. She came back in the room and said that she had to go. The birth mom was just admitted into the hospital in labor. Our hearts began to palpitate! She told us that we needed to get to our attorney right away to have him draw up the appropriate paperwork. (We had just "hired" an attorney the night before from a list of references from the agency. He was the only one that we were able to get in contact with and "happened" to be an incredible Christian man.) We raced over to his office. We were a little early for our appointment and found it quite convenient that Toys R Us was across the street. We raced over and bought a car seat. Just as we were finishing up with the attorney, we received a call from the hospital. The birth mom wanted to invite us to the hospital. My first thought was "Oh my goodness! I don't have my camera!" We bolted over to Kmart and bought a disposable camera. Though we still did not know what to expect once we got there, or if the birth mother would really go through with signing the papers. Once we arrived, she actually invited us into the delivery room! Once things really got going, her dad (who was the only family member there with her) got a bit squeamish. So, Matt and I coached her through the entire labor! Matt held the cool rag on her head, and I held her hand and echoed the nurses words... "Breath" and "Push" were the most common phrases in those moments. At 12:24 on Thursday afternoon September 18th (less than 48 hours from the very first call regarding our miracle) we witnessed the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Caleb Matthew Maikalani Jorgens (Maikalani -pronounced 'my-ka-law-nee'- is Hawaiian, meaning: From Heaven.) He weighed in at 7lbs. 7.5 ozs. and was 20 in. long.. He is gorgeous and healthy! Matt cut the cord in the delivery room, and I was the first one to hold him. We were there for his first bath, and first bottle! And yes, birth mom did sign the papers. She never wavered in her decision. She knew in her heart that she was making the right decision. What a gift! My wonderful sister in law, Tammie, put it best when she said "Christine, you received more than I would have ever thought to pray for!" You are so right, my Dear! We brought our little Caleb home on Friday night, and all are doing well! We have totally fallen in love with our beautiful son. Caleb is quite a little melting pot, being a mix of Hawaiian, Japanese and Caucasian. We are in such awe over the gift the Lord has given us. To Him be the Glory!
Matt and I have experienced God at work in a very real, personal and incredible way. Many of you have known that Matt and I have been praying for a child for some time now. We have been diagnosed with "unexplained infertility". A few months ago, our doctor approached us with the possibility of pursuing fertility treatments. As Matt and I prayed about this, we realized that we really did not feel compelled to head down that road at this time. We had always discussed adoption, and knew from the beginning of our marriage that it was something that we wanted to do. We had imagined ourselves having a few biological children, and then possibly adopting one or two children. Since adoption was always something we had wanted to do, it seemed very natural to pursue that. Our search led us to pursue international adoption. We began the process about a month and a half ago. The paperwork process is so intense!!! But it was also an neat experience to share together. With an international adoption, the process was expected to take about a year. We were planning on adoption a baby from Haiti. The baby would have been between 6 months to 1 year old. As part of any adoption process, domestic, or international, we had to complete a homestudy through a local INS approved agency. We hired Hawaii International Child (HIC) to complete our homestudy. We were about 2 weeks away from being "paperwork ready" when we received a call from our Social worker at HIC. The call came "out of the blue" on Tuesday September 16th. Our social worker explained that she knew that we were pursuing an international adoption, but wanted to know if we were at all "flexible" with those plans. I asked what she meant. She informed me that she had just been contacted by a local girl here on the Island who was pregnant, due to give birth that Friday, and wanted to make an adoption plan for her baby. She needed to choose a family for the baby, and the social worker wanted to know if we would want them to show her our profile. The social worker really down played the chances of anything actually happening with this, since the birth mom would have a selection of families to choose from, and also because the birth mom is half Hawaiian. It is commonly known in the Islands, that local girls rarely end up making adoption plans because families rarely allow for it. Often, family members will show up at the hospital, and tell the birth mom not to do, and offer their help to raise the child. Our social worker really wanted to prepare us for the very real possibility that nothing would come of this. I of course told her that I needed to discuss it with Matt. I will admit that I did not want to pursue this. I feared the seemingly inevitable disappointment that would come from it. When I called Matt, he said "Christine, this is what we have been praying for", but he wanted to discuss it with his parents before saying anything for sure. He called home and received great words of wisdom, some of which came from Mom when she said "Matt, how will you know if this is God's plan if you just immediately close the door. Let Him make the decision." Matt called me back, and said "Ya, let's do it." We had to provide more pictures of ourselves and a short biography. The birth mom would be making her decision the next day, and the social worker was going to call me either way. We slept very little that night. I was sure that she was not going to choose us, Matt was sure she would. The next day, Wednesday September 17th, the social worker called us and said "I want you to know that she made her decision very quickly." In a disappointed tone I said. "Oh, she did..." the social worker further explained "She looked at your picture and said, 'Oh, their cute.'" I still needed clarification.... "Does that mean she picked us??" "Once she read your profile, she was sure that you were the right family for the baby." I stood up at work and proclaimed "I gotta go... I think I'm gonna be a mom this weekend!" We knew that the birth mom was due that Friday, but we thought for sure that she may go even a week or so past. The next day, Thursday morning, we had an appointment with the social worker to sign some papers. About five minutes into it, the social worker got called out. She came back in the room and said that she had to go. The birth mom was just admitted into the hospital in labor. Our hearts began to palpitate! She told us that we needed to get to our attorney right away to have him draw up the appropriate paperwork. (We had just "hired" an attorney the night before from a list of references from the agency. He was the only one that we were able to get in contact with and "happened" to be an incredible Christian man.) We raced over to his office. We were a little early for our appointment and found it quite convenient that Toys R Us was across the street. We raced over and bought a car seat. Just as we were finishing up with the attorney, we received a call from the hospital. The birth mom wanted to invite us to the hospital. My first thought was "Oh my goodness! I don't have my camera!" We bolted over to Kmart and bought a disposable camera. Though we still did not know what to expect once we got there, or if the birth mother would really go through with signing the papers. Once we arrived, she actually invited us into the delivery room! Once things really got going, her dad (who was the only family member there with her) got a bit squeamish. So, Matt and I coached her through the entire labor! Matt held the cool rag on her head, and I held her hand and echoed the nurses words... "Breath" and "Push" were the most common phrases in those moments. At 12:24 on Thursday afternoon September 18th (less than 48 hours from the very first call regarding our miracle) we witnessed the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Caleb Matthew Maikalani Jorgens (Maikalani -pronounced 'my-ka-law-nee'- is Hawaiian, meaning: From Heaven.) He weighed in at 7lbs. 7.5 ozs. and was 20 in. long.. He is gorgeous and healthy! Matt cut the cord in the delivery room, and I was the first one to hold him. We were there for his first bath, and first bottle! And yes, birth mom did sign the papers. She never wavered in her decision. She knew in her heart that she was making the right decision. What a gift! My wonderful sister in law, Tammie, put it best when she said "Christine, you received more than I would have ever thought to pray for!" You are so right, my Dear! We brought our little Caleb home on Friday night, and all are doing well! We have totally fallen in love with our beautiful son. Caleb is quite a little melting pot, being a mix of Hawaiian, Japanese and Caucasian. We are in such awe over the gift the Lord has given us. To Him be the Glory!
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