The Loss

We just received a letter from Caleb's birth mom. It's a surprise to hear from her, because she rarely initiates contact with us. But when she does, I treasure it.
As I read her letter, my heart broke for her, once again. She wrote to let us know that her dad had passed away. She has always been so very close to her Dad. She was his girl, and he walked with her through the good times, and the hard times.
He was the one at the hospital with her when Caleb was born. He was the only other member of her family that I have met. I know that he cherished her, and felt a strong desire to protect her.
She wrote "At times, I think that he's with me, because I can almost smell him and feel his touch so tender on my head when I sleep."
She opened up to us in such an intimate way in her letter, and I love her for it. This woman has faced such loss in her life, and has experienced great heartache. It reminds me of the fact that this journey is laden with struggle, and loss, and deep pain.
I pray for you, My Dear, that you may know the peace of your heavenly Father, and that you may feel His tender touch upon your head, upon your soul, as He carries you through this difficult time.
If you think of her, please pray for her. She means so very much to our family.
I have withheld mentioning our birth mothers' names, for their privacy, but the Lord knows who they are, and I thank you for lifting them up to the Lord.

Surgery Updates:

Scroll down to:

Explaining the Unexplained

and

Saying Goodbye, Again

For information on my recent hysterectomy

In the hospital a nurse said...

"I can't believe you have twins, and have no stretch marks... You look incredible."

Ah ya.

The perks of adoption.

(I did, of course, tell her the truth. After she stewed for a few seconds.) ;o)

Explaining the Unexplained

All went well, as I said "Aloha" to my uterus on November 3rd. I was all prepped and ready to go in for surgery. The weekend before was filled with celebratory events, to commemorate the big event. Emily and I prepared a Thanksgiving Like feast for our families, my mom and her husband Ron. (My mom came out to help with the boys during and after surgery...) Emily and I also ran in a race around the bridges (just over 4.5 miles) on Saturday. And I made a delicious adult beverage, Carmel Apple Cocktails, to toast. ;o)

I was a little nervous as I went in very early Monday morning, but I am pleased to say that it all went fairly well. And when my doctor came in to brief me on how things went, it became even more clear, that this was a wise decision. Apparently, the endometriosis was much more severe than he, or any of my other doctors had thought. The scar tissue had ravaged my uterus, and one of my ovaries as well. He actually had to remove my right ovary, as it had a large tumor on it, and was not even functioning. He found a few small fibroids in my uterus as well.

When Matt and I went in for our initial fertility work-up, about 6 years ago, they performed an HSG test on me that didn't show any blockage. After they completed their tests, they diagnosed Matt and I with unexplained infertility. However, after surgery, my doctor said that the endometriosis was so severe, it would clearly be the cause of our infertility. Often, they offer a surgery to women to clear out scar tissue in an effort to create a better environment to sustain a pregnancy. My doctor said that my case was so severe, that that would not have even been an option for us. I am thankful that my right ovary is still healthy enough to remain in me to produce my own natural hormones. But I think if we had waited much longer to have the surgery, the chance of that ovary being effected by the endometriosis would have increased greatly.

I sit hear today with a heart full of thankfulness. I am overwhelmed at how the Lord has provided for us, and protected us. He knew, in His sovereignty, that we would never be able to carry a child. And He so clearly directed our hearts towards adoption. The Lord allowed us to see, early on, that His plan, though different from ours, was greater than we could ever imagine. He protected us from years of fruitless, difficult fertility treatments. He gifted us with miracle stories that show how He, and only He, can turn brokenness into something beautiful.

You see... it was God who gave us the desire to be parents. And it was He who, in His beautiful plan, brought children to us. Our story is more precious to me than anyone can imagine. Because it's ours.

I am also so thankful that we live in an age where doctors can help people like me free themselves from pain! OH MY! I can't tell you how thankful I am for this surgery. That it was an option for me. The second day when my doctor came in, it hit me. I nearly cried when I thanked him for helping me. Yes... it has been that bad. And I look forward to living a life free from the bondage of pain that I have struggled with for many years.

My recovery is going pretty well. I am taking it easy, and trying not to freak out about my break from things like lifting my boys, running, and doing laundry. Okay, that last one isn't hard for me to release for awhile. ;o) Thank you for your prayers. It has been a long journey, and I am thankful that I am through the rough part, and on my way to feeling a lot better.